A Day in the Life
Welcome to the my house! Come on in! You can only stay for a minute? That’s okay, I never have anyone over so even a few minutes will be great for me!
I know, it is kinda loud isn’t it? Those are my dogs. No, it only looks and sounds like they are fighting. See, the big one is playing but the small one is getting pissed. The big one doesn’t care because hey, she’s the big one! So the little one growls really loud, because she MEANS it now.
That might stop within the next hour or so.
Oh, haha, you noticed the fruit flies! Suckers needs to start paying rent! Yeah, they moved in with the apples we brought back from that little apple picking trip. See all the apples? Yeah, I guess they are kinda brown and mushy. Huh. Wonder why the kids didn’t eat them?
Oops, ‘scuse me while I let the dogs out. Isn’t that great that they scratch at the slider? Very helpful.
So, have a seat. Want some coffee? It’s fresh, I pretty much brew it all day long. No, not joking. Creamer? I have pumpkin spice! I pretty much stock up on that shit between October 15th and November 30th. Go ahead, have some.
What is – oh, that white thing? That is my cat. I know, he’s kinda gross. He’s a Persian, that’s why his face is smooshed. But his eyes leak brown crap all the time. I have to wash his face every day! Even then, he gets brown splotches of crud on the walls whenever he shakes his head. Gross, right? No, he pretty much sleeps all the time.
Hold on, I have to let the dogs back in. Did you hear them scratch the door again? Ha, sometimes I think it sounds like they are kicking it!
So what is new with you?
Mommy, I’m done!
Oh, hold on a second while I- Desmond, get back in the bathroom and pull your pants up!
But I pooped! Want to see it? It is HUGE!
Ok, just a minute. Sorry, we are still marveling over poop here. How old is he? Seven.
(from bathroom) Great, it’s plugged. No, you need to WIPE first! ohmygod, ohmygod, please don’t flood, pleeeeeeeze don’t flood I’ll be right out!! We have a, um, plumbing issue here.
Phew, crisis averted! I’m just going to wash my hands – hold on, I need to let the dogs out. Again.
So where were we? Right. You. What’s new with –
That’s MINE!! No it’s not! It IS! You weren’t using it! SO? MOMMMYYYYYY!!!
(hissing….crying…feet pounding up the stairs…)
Soooo, anyways, you were saying… shit, hold on, let me get the dogs.
Huh I wonder who-
BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
thump thump thump down the stairs
Mommy! Someone’s at the door!
Ok! Hold on. Dammit, MOVE dogs! Ella, do NOT open that door until I get there!
Oh, it’s just a package from UPS. MOVE DOG! Ok, go play you guys. No, I will not put Netflix on, I’m trying to visit with my friend. GO PLAY.
Ok, I am back. Do you want more-ohh, you have to go? Oh man, it’s like you just got here!
Talk to you later?
Hey, guys? Come on downstairs and I’ll put Netflix on, shit, after I let the dogs out.