Dellabee and Me

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Rumination

I just learned that I do this. Like, a lot. Thank you, Real Simple magazine.

I’m not sure how anyone who blogs can NOT ruminate.

I am always thinking of things to write about, twisting the words around in my head to view them from different angles. When I hit on an idea, I have to rehash the details in my brain for a bit in order to get a feel for the “voice” I want to use. Then I start to mentally compose it, and immediately imagine what my mother would say if she read it. This has halted many a post, by the way.

(I am 99% sure that my mom does not read my blog, mostly because I think the few times she has tried the posts have been either uber depressing or uber gross. It’s fine.)

Then I write it out, which includes rereading sentences obsessively to ensure the flow is right. I review the grammar, make sure the verb tenses match, that kind of thing. When I finish, I do not want to read it in its entirety. I don’t know why this is but I suspect it is related to the hammering of “revision” throughout my high school years. Yuck.

Eventually I gather up the courage to read the entire post. Then I spellcheck it. Then I read it again. I usually make a few small changes.

Then I hit “publish” and cross my fingers that someone will read it and leave me a comment.

The first blog post I wrote was in 2006 and it was on blogger. I remember I wrote it at night, I was pregnant with my second child and feeling a lot of mixed emotions about our circumstances at the time. I don’t remember what my post was about but I do recall the way it felt when I published it – how it was like sending an SOS out into the night, how exposed I felt. I was surprised when I checked it in the morning and learned that nobody had read it.

It was humbling, of course. How could people go about their days without having read my pithy words about motherhood and life? The same way I was able to go about mine without reading the words of other moms online, day after day after day.

I could go on and on about blogging and how I feel about it, because after all I ruminate. But I hear my beloved children fighting (again) while playing on the trampoline and I am sure you  can understand the high risk of injury in that scenario.

Until next time…keep reading.

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One thought on “Rumination

  1. I do the same thing… I also have a bunch of word documents that contain blog posts that I have started, but have yet to find the right time to finish or post.

    Keep it up. I love reading your blog. 🙂

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